today at the US Embassy was terrible.
They offered to close the door for my ‘privacy’ – hello, they just locked me unnecessarily in a jail for four months where the dyke guards stripped me for their entertainment; I think I am over the privacy thing at this point. If I wasn’t as tough as I am, I would have killed myself by now, but today was a close call after the embassy. it seems so pointless in life to keep trying for an ordinary, happy life. But I will not
let them do that to me.
It was so ridiculous to be questioned about a rape that happened ten years ago; and to be told they can’t process my visa because 1) the computers are down, and 2) they want to ‘double check ‘ that the ‘waiver of deportability has been cleared by washington’ and they will ‘write to me’ – even though they are LOOKING AT THE WAIVER THAT HAS BEEN GRANTED.
I have been sitting in a room alone in the UK since being dumped in a country I have not lived in for 20 years, I had so much I would prefer to never remember about growing up in the UK. I have been forced to relive my nightmare childhood since being dumped here, (yes I saw a shrink in my twenties, dealt with all that crap and put it all behind me. Then I was falsely arrested, detained, tortured and got to watch others lives and minds being destroyed, in US Immigration jail – so now all that stuff is back in my mind, along with all the new traumatic events that I was forced through by USCIS/Homeland security. )
I was raped (1) in uk by my first employer, I got home and I knew to try to hide it from my violent unpredictable family, so my dad beat my head against the wall to find out ‘why I was upset’ – he did the same when I asked about whether I should go to college. There is your Ten O level candidate! (more than my MP, I guess) I didnt go on to college, unsuprisingly. My only thought was to get away from them. I had no clue how. When you grow up around angry violent people, it takes a long time to figure out who treats you well, and how important that is for your life and happiness, you can even marry people who treat you badly as you dont recognise it as such….
Who says Britain doesnt value its working class intelligent kids! My parents always threatened me that I couldnt tell anyone what happened in that house. Too late now.
This is the father that punched me in the chest and nearly killed me when I was a kid, (I was unconscious when admitted, check the records for the cottage hospital, its been demolished now) My mother is STILL a vicious cruel old woman who is losing it a bit, and still likes to physically attack me, so I don’t go near; whole family is very conflicted/damaged so I have made decision that no contact is best course of action to hang on to my own sanity. I owe them NOTHING, and I did way better without them for 20 years…..
My nieces and nephews tried to be pleasant and welcoming to this stranger that they remember spending time with them when they were little kids. I thank my nephew Graham, for trying to help me understand them, (and seeing this family all too clearly) and my nephew Sean, for trying to help me, but thanks to my mother, and her interference, I now cannot contact them. And they saw me immediately after I was locked in a jail for 108 days, and close to a breakdown, so I am sure they question my sanity. Its been like that film with Mel Gibson, Conspiracy Theory. But just like him, I’m telling the truth about what has been done to me. My sister knows because she contacted the jail from Australia every day, and they wouldnt even confirm they were holding me.
In liverpool recently I have been face to face with the man (schizo) that violently raped me and tried to kill me in the uk when i was 19, (number 2) He then may have murdered someone, (I did not see him do it, but? too many coincidences) and back then I had the courage (an and idealistic view of law enforcement I think) to go to the police and gave them statement – yet they couldn’t prove it, so he is still walking around, as dangerous as ever – so, is it really worth cooperating with law enforcement? if that man ever knew I gave a statement, I would be dead now. I take a chance writing this now.
In the USA from 1989 absolutely nobody wanted to be my friend unless they could get something from me; its a long ugly road for a lonely young woman, the night someone broke in and raped me (might have been number 3) I could actually reach the phone to hit him with it, but I knew already if I didn’t hit him hard enough he would kill me, so …you want to stay alive, so you wait it out….and he left and I had to go to work the next day…..and of course, my first husband left me high and dry – with Immigration issues, so I was afraid to press charges…
I know I was raped by another man in Chicago but I can’t remember all of that one(4)
I was then in a relationship with a man called Kenneth Rodgers, who was a Chicago Basketball coach. when I found I was pregnant (quite an accident) I told him, and he said if I had the baby he would get me deported or kill me. Wow.
I was very fortunate that I had a very supportive female friend T, who had been through a similar nightmare, she stood by me as I made the saddest decision of my life. Ken then wanted to talk to me, ( I was so desperately alone) he came around to my flat, he held me for a minute, then he dragged me into the bedroom and raped me,(5) saying he wanted to get me pregnant again. I knew if I fought he could really hurt me. He then sat on the end of the bed, and said he would come back later and take me to dinner. (insane) I was later told that he has done this to a number of women.
A few weeks later, he wanted to do it again, I ran from him and he battered me into my building, but I was screaming as loud as I could trying to get a witness, he was afraid he would be caught and he ran away. I made a police report and this is the rape that the U-Visa was based on, as I had the sense to get a stranger to take photographs of all of the bruising from the beating, and kept those pictures for fifteen years in a box, along with the police report.
So – after two legitimate marriages, two applications for a greencard, 20 years and finally the U Visa that was approved, but now they are stalling granting it, having to ‘check with Washington’ – I don’t recall anyone in Washington raping me, except metaphorically, to advance their career perhaps…. Maybe I missed something in all of this shit that this ordinary hard working woman tried to just get over and put behind her!
My friend mentioned above, T, once said, ‘dont ever try to count the times you’ve been raped’ and another friend said her mother told her ‘rape is not the worst thing a man can do to ya’ – which if you don’t identify with, you have either been extremely lucky, or you are a man.
So what is a U Visa for, if not to allow someone to get on with their life?
Aside: Does cooperating with Law Enforcement include being telephone harrassed by a police spokesperson a few years ago? I stupidly called in the anon harrassment and the calls were traced back to his home…that went nowhere.
My current husband Joel Carreon knew all this stuff, and we were together 7 years, I busted my ass to make that man happy and sorted out all of his legal messes, I made him rich and got him out of debt and through school…and I secretly hoped we would have a child eventually. Then 2 years ago he started to cheat on me with someone at his job, and then he decided he didnt need me any more…
He stood there and told me that he never wanted kids with me, he only wanted the house to impress his parents and he wanted me to move out. Away went any dreams I had of having a family. It was devastating.
It seems he found a shortcut to taking more than half of everything I worked for for twenty years, two days after I was arrested by US Immigration, my husband changed the locks and refused to assist me in any way, he probably thought I would die in Immigration stuff. But apparently all that drama made me one tough woman.
So, will US Immigration ever do right by me, and will they ever allow me to get on with my life and put all of this behind me, or will I have to rehash it forever to suit the authorities?
The stories I heard in Immigration jail make mine pale in comparison. One woman was raped by her father since she was a child, now she was being deported, while her little girls are with her parents….she was out of her mind with worry. I am not religious but I pray for her. But today, I will just try to find a reason to stay alive.
May 29 – I would like to thank the 5000 plus people who have now visited my blog. Be aware, what has happened to me, could happen to YOU. There were US born citizens in Immigration jail with me. It makes no sense at all.
Thanks to http://www.condron.us for this website.
thank you for this. I really appreciate it.
Josie, I don’t know why you would want to return to the U.S. again after this terrible treatment, and the situation there is only going to descend into anarchy for most citizens.
Victims of early family abuse often enter a cycle of somehow placing themselves again into abusive situations and relationships. This is something you must reconcile yourself with in order to not place yourself in peril again. You have been raped too many times and I believe this plays into your early childhood abuse.
I recommend you take a self-defense course and carry some sort of a defensive weapon on you at all times (i.e. pepper spray, gun, etc.) and learn to project a personage of warrior, not victim, and if confronted again with a rape situation again, fight and injure severely enough to disable or worse. Do not call the police. Inflict your justice and leave. If you leave the person alive and know the person, then hire a thug to be on hand to beat him up, or worse, if he ever touches you again and inform him of this. This strategy is much better than filing a Police Report. Now you are the threatener and not the victim.
In terms of authorities and the general public, Jackie O’s Father once said, “Never let them know what you’re thinking”.
Stop trusting in the authorities and men and learn to trust yourself and your instincts. Give only secondary power and trust to those who have earned it!
Primary power is yours, if you’re willing to own it.
although I understand what you are saying, I have always been and will continue to be law-abiding. With regard to rape, when someone is bigger than you, there aint much you can do except ‘not get injured’.
With regard to what the authorities are trying to do to me, If I dont stick to my guns, they will continue to do this to people, some of whom are nowhere near as strong as me.
It appears someone tried to create a blog with the same name as me, doubtless to write a bunch of violent crap to perhaps try to discredit me. I do know that the US Authorities are bustin their asses to try to find some crime they can hang on me, to justify their treatment of me, which was multi-law breaking.
I will most certainly trust my instincts, and I appreciate your comment and that you took the time to read my posts.
Women have to stick together, it is a tragedy that it is a woman/or two who are behind doing this to my life.
Just heard some absolute crap from someone, that I shouldn’t tell anyone about this….
R U KIDDING ME….
its akin to suggesting to a rape victim that she doesnt tell anyone, becuase she is now ‘damaged goods’….
oh shame on the man that told me not to tell anyone, perhaps he needs to go find and marry a virgin so he can be sure she is not ‘damaged’
Like if someone attacks you, it ‘brings shame on the family’ – dear god. anyone who thinks like that should be locked up for sheer ignorance in the 21st century.